


If a Moment Of Truth ended on a slightly different tone

by LembraginiCC



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, I mean will is dead so, Not Arthur Pendragon Friendly, Will Appreciation Fest 2020 (Merlin), but he's felt throughout, episode coda, if thats what this is, its not gonna be happy lmao, merlin & will, s1e10, will is not here because he's dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LembraginiCC/pseuds/LembraginiCC
Summary: Hunith has always done her best to protect her son, but now, she realizes she has put him in graver danger than ever before. Furthermore, she has greatly misjudged Will, and now they all pay for it.Or,In this world, Merlin doesn’t grieve for Will alone.
Relationships: Hunith & Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	If a Moment Of Truth ended on a slightly different tone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [panharmonium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/panharmonium/gifts).



> I’m dedicating this to panharmonium! Their post deeply moved me and left me in tears. I just HAD to write something about Hunith, if she had reacted differently to Will’s death and Arthur’s reaction to him. I wrote this in like two hours! I just had to write out my feelings lmao.

Hunith loves her son. She loves him so fiercely and fears for him even more. When he was just a baby and levitated his favorite toy, she nearly collapsed on the spot. 

Deep down inside, in the bleakest corners of her heart, she tries to forget how she contemplated killing her baby, if only to protect him from a life of isolation and fear.

Despite that, it was she who forced him to live alone, apart from his peers by a power he never chose. She saw the delight he took in using magic, how his frowns would smooth out and his eyes would light up (and not just because of the change in color). When she would order him to stop, to stay away from the other children, to hide from strangers. 

And especially, to stay away from the red-caped knights. 

His baby face would look up at her in fear as she impressed upon him how he _must_ hide from them, don’t trust them, don’t trust _anyone_ because the world is cruel, my son, and they will _destroy_ you.

Her hypocrisy sits bitterly on her tongue with the taste of burnt flesh.

She sent him to the enemy’s den while the person he _could_ trust ( _should have trusted, maybe this would never have happened)_ was left behind. All because she doubted, even feared, young William. 

And how young Will was, as young as her boy. And because of him, Merlin stands while he burns. 

Perhaps this could have been avoided, if she hadn’t been so terrified after she saw Merlin practicing magic with Will, watching and goading. 

She sent Merlin away, to Camelot, the worst of the lot when it came to persecuting sorcerers. But it was there that Gaius lived. Someone who can actually teach Merlin control, with magic himself, to protect him better than she could. 

After all, she failed here in Ealdor. His secret had gotten out and she wasn’t a sorcerer or a Dragonlord. She had no way to find Balinor and she had even promised not to look for him. To let him disappear in order for them both to be safe. Before she realized she was going to have Merlin. 

So Gaius was her last resort. Despite all the fear surrounding _Uther_ and _Camelot_ , despite her own cautionary tales about seeing Pendragon Red, she sent Merlin there. She realized that the only way for him to be safe was if he learned magic. 

Later, when she went there to plead for help, saw his place and the person he served ( _the heir to the throne?_ ), she hoped she was right. That he could survive there. Perhaps even live there. 

And even later, when her son turned up back at Ealdor with the Prince himself, along with the King Uther’s ward and a serving girl, she then saw Merlin and Arthur’s loyalty to each other. She saw purpose in her son’s eyes, a determination where he once was lost. 

In Camelot, Merlin had seemed to find answers to his questions. Questions she had always tried to brush off, to focus him on being _quiet, out of the way, unseen._ He had been so young then. And while he brought it up less and less over the years, she had hoped he’d grow out of his curiosity. But she still despaired over forcing her son to live half a life. 

But in Camelot, serving the Prince, he finally seemed to walk forward with a purpose. He had a clear goal in mind and, incredibly, seemed to have found his answers. 

She felt so relieved. That she hadn’t made a mistake. That she hadn’t sent her son off to die. That she hadn’t judged William too harshly.

Since sending Merlin off, she’d witnessed William sit alone and stare listlessly out at nothing. He worked harder, movements sharp and jerky. She’d even see him wipe his eyes with a harsh grimace, when he thought he was alone. Her heart would twist and her stomach was in knots but she desperately told herself it was the right decision. That she was doing what was best for Merlin. 

Despite that Camelot was a known evil, and Will had so far kept the secret for months, perhaps even years. 

And now, she was proven terribly wrong. 

Merlin stood in front of the pyre. Still and quiet. Two things he is not.

Once, growing up, Merlin had found a dead baby bird. He cried when she explained the cycle of life to him. _It’s not fair_ , he cried. Merlin had a soft heart and cared deeply for everyone and cried at the smallest hurt. And standing before the funeral pyre for his closest friend, he shed not a single tear.

The Prince, who she had thought so loyal, had condemned the same man who sacrificed himself for him. Simply because he was a sorcerer. 

She stood still and petrified, shaking as Arthur Pendragon left her son’s side and passed her, not looking at her as she steadfastly looked away from him. 

_You shouldn’t have kept this from me, Merlin._

_You know how dangerous magic is._

Merlin served directly under this man, who detested magic so thoroughly. His father’s son. 

How? How could she have ever thought this was a good idea?

She pressed her lips together to avoid making a sound, staring at her son who stood vigil over the pyre. He cried over killing insects, yet his expression was as stone as he looked on. It broke her heart. 

This was the life she feared for him. He had never looked so alone as he did now.

With her shoulders back, she marched over and stood next to her son. He looked down at her, and she let him see her watery eyes. She simply gave him a wavering smile. 

He trembled, set his jaw, then turned back to the pyre. After a moment, she joined him. She’d let him talk at his own time. She wanted to grab his hand but refrained. A single kindness might just topple his control over his emotions. He wanted silence and she would give it to him.

Not to mention, as she turned back to the fire, she owed William silence as well.

William took Merlin’s secret to the grave. She gravely misjudged his character and now he’s dead. 

In that cold corner of her heart, she was glad it wasn’t Merlin lying there and turning to ash. She shivered, nauseous. William may not be dead if she hadn’t sent Merlin away. Hadn’t invited Arthur Pendragon into her home. And now Merlin will be heading back there, to Camelot.

Despair was cold and thick, crawling up her throat.

~~~

“Merlin, please, you have to stay! Surely there can be some reason, a sickness perhaps, that you can give so you can remain here?” Hunith begged, holding her son’s hands between her own.

Merlin gave her a small, contorted smile, “I’m sorry, mother, but my place is there, in Camelot. Serving Arthur.”

A chill raced up her spine. “Surely he can’t need you that much? There must be other manservants to assist him and knights to protect him. Come home. _Please_ ,” her voice cracked and she hated how his face further twisted into an upset grimace. 

“I-” he looked away and back, “I’m so sorry, but I have to. This-this is my _destiny_. Protecting him is why I have magic!” At the end he’s leaning forward, whispering loudly and earnestly all the while she still saw grief at the edge of his eyes and the curl of his lips.

And at the mention of Prince Pendragon, she was abruptly reminded of Merlin’s own words.

_Give him more credit than that. He likes you._

_That’s because he doesn’t know me. And if he did, I’d probably be dead by now._

Twice has she misjudged someone. William for his trustworthiness and Arthur for the same. Now, one is dead and the other holds her son’s life in his hands and doesn’t even know it. 

She wished she could cry. Earlier, after the funeral had ended and she took Merlin away for some privacy, she held her son in her arms until he cried. He stammered out his regrets. Wishing he had used magic earlier, listened to Will, then maybe his friend wouldn’t have died. 

She held him close and held her own guilt even closer. 

She bit her lip, knowing that he would not be swayed. Merlin was always headstrong like that, just like Balinor. Fighting for what they think is right. But nothing about this is right. Still, as she looks up at him, at the stubborn set to his brow, she can’t help her own small smile. 

“I’m so proud of you,” she says, looking deep into his eyes. His serious expression wavers. “If he truly needs you so much, then you must go.” Her breath hitches, “When you left, you were just a boy. Now look at you.” 

He shakily smiles back, and she pulls him closer. He folds into her, seeming so small in her arms. He breathes deeply against her collar, and she squeezes him even tighter. 

_He wouldn’t be suffering so much if I hadn’t sent him off._

She turned to press her lips into his temple.

_He’d still have William, a confidante to turn to and trust. A young man, a child, would still be alive now if she hadn’t sent Merlin away to Camelot._

_Merlin wouldn’t have to hide so much, if his friend hadn’t sacrificed his life to protect Uther’s son._

“When the time is right, the truth will be known. Until then, you must keep your talents hidden,” she says into Merlin’s ear and hates herself for it. For the necessity of it. He grows still in her arms and hates that too. She swallows then whispers, “It’s better for everyone.” He nuzzles into her neck or is, perhaps, shaking his head in denial. She closes her eyes against it all the same. 

She holds his face and brings him around and kisses his forehead. Holding him there, just a moment longer. To pretend he’s safe for a moment longer. Letting him go, they lean back and he looks into her eyes with such a sorrowful look, she wants to take back her words but knows she can’t. 

She gives him her best smile and hopes he doesn’t see the depth of her despair. 

When he leaves on horseback with Arthur Pendragon, Lady Morgana and dear Guinevere, she hopes she isn’t sending him to his death. Just like the first time she sent him off. 

Only this time, she is aware that he is in much more danger than she had feared on nights when she couldn’t sleep on the cold, hard floor and took to thinking on her son. 

She watches, her hands twisted together, as Merlin rides off without once looking back. Heading straight for an unknown future on a path she set him on.

When he’s finally gone from sight, she turns back and heads straight home. She walks determinedly, with purpose, avoiding her neighbors’ stares. Once she makes it home, she sits at her table, and breaks down into sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few months ago? Time is meaningless so who knows. Was posted on tumblr but then all my words were eaten >:( so I had to move it here. My vanity would not rest until I knew people would be able to read this. Was inspired by this post : panharmonium tumblr com/post/623777682530975744/you-know-what-no-absolutely-not-i-already-did


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